Freshly landed on the Jamaican coast, sunglasses perched on my nose, I finally felt like I was on vacation,
ready to slip my toes into the fine sand and relax on the beach with the warm breeze flowing through my well-secured wig!
When we got to our rooms, the first thing we decided to was to get ready to go stretch out on a long chair, lime daiquiri in hand.
I took all of my carefully folded swimsuits out of my suitcase and laid them on my bed: bikini or one-piece? White, black, red, or orange? Which to choose? Dilemmas, dilemmas!
Finally, I went for the white one.
As I stepped into my swimsuit, all my insecurities came roaring. Come on, what’s going on with me?
In my last blog, I said to anyone who would listen that I would always be beach body ready!
It’s easy to say when I’m alone in front of my mirror, with my bedroom door closed!
But here, I would be seen; All these strangers were going to see me. And I wasn’t ready!
Such a complete hypocrite!
Okay the word is a little strong, although it’s exactly how I felt. All this work on myself, reminding myself that I’m perfect as I am! Seriously… all of that was a pile of $@^*!!!
Looking at myself in the mirror next to the television, I heard a hoarse voice literally screaming at me, “What is your problem! What are you talking about, your swimsuit is perfect! YOU are perfect!”
I asked myself again, am I a hypocrite?
These body positive and women’s empowerment movements are wonderful to see and are necessary in order change the perception of what should be the beauty “standard”. But sometimes, I have to admit, I’m not as confident and assured as I let on.
Sigh. If I were a boy…. I wouldn’t have any cellulite!
I realized one thing, though: as my friend was practically drowning me in compliments, I remembered that I wasn’t alone. I’m not the only one to confront her own torment. I’ve never been. I’ve always had the support of extraordinary women, near and far, who lift me with their soft words of encouragement.
Too often and too quickly, we women throw the worst silent insults at each other through our disapproving looks and sharp side-eyes! Or, we encourage mean talk by sending and dissecting screenshots in our infamous group chats! How amazing does it feel, though, when you receive a screenshot of yourself in your girl’s chat where your friends are glorifying you instead of tearing you down?
WE have the power to hold each other up high, very high, with something as simple as a compliment, no matter how small. I don’t take anything for granted today, and if I stand tall and with confidence, it’s because of all the women who support me.
It’s my turn to lift you up!
You are FABULOUS! You are MY Inspiration and I could not do this without you!
PS : In the end, I wore every single one of those swimsuits. What a wonderful week I had!